Holocaust – A Photo's Worth

Ann-Christine and Lens-Artists are looking forward to seeing my, “Alone Time” posts. What are my thoughts, and what do I use my alone time for?

Alone time does bring about challenges for me. So today this blog will be more than a photo blog. I will take this time to do some reflection on my life.

By nature, I believe I am more of an introvert and like my time alone. I have many things to keep me happily occupied. My photography is sometimes used to get me out of my shell, and ready to explore. But I can easily enjoy quietly looking back at my library, reviewing, cataloging, and creating my photo blog.

Sometimes, I enjoy being an observer of people all around me. I am thinking about their solitude.

I like to take walks. My neighborhood has 4 courts, and a private road so there is little traffic and some up-and-down elevations. At first, Moxie, my Golden Retriever, had no trouble being my companion. Once a noisy garbage truck stopped next to us and wanted to meet her. This frightened her, and it has been a bit of a struggle to walk past our court ever since. I have tried to get her used to truck sounds. So, like my last dog, if I want to walk I need to first drive to a park trail. Not as spontaneous. Maybe as Moxie turns 2 she will grow out of these fears. She is also trying to contain her excitement when we walk. She pulls ahead then realizes that I have stopped and comes to a heal position. So our walks are more training than solitude until we take our nap together.

In this recliner Moxie and I take our nap in the afternoon!

As a retired librarian I love to read.

I often find the subject matter ties into my family history. I am a child of two Holocaust survivors, and I am always reading historical fiction, memoirs, and non-fiction. I just started the last book of a trilogy entitled, The Tree of Life by Holocaust survivor Chava Rosenfarb. I am well-read on the subject, but these 3 remarkable books describe life in the Lodz Ghetto, and more than that they make me think about the meaning of life itself. I highly recommend these books to everyone. It is a tough subject, but there is a sweetness and clarity to each written paragraph.

This coincides with another passion – genealogy. Again this is both an alone project, which sometimes surprisingly connects me to my extended family. Next week I will be visiting New York City. Through Ancestry.com, I will be meeting a first cousin once removed who is coming all the way from New Hampshire to meet me for dinner. Last year, I met another first cousin once removed from Israel. Children of my first cousins. It is special to have a family connection. While in NYC I will also visit the Yivo reading room where I will see items from my Great Uncle Lazar Kahan and Great Aunt Rose Shoshana Kahan. I never had any grandparents, and my parents didn’t discuss their past often. I have my parents’ testimonies from the United States Shoah Foundation. My grandparents’ generation had large families (16 children), so it is easy to see how much the Holocaust impacted my family. On only my father’s paternal side, from 15 siblings and families 30-35 were murdered. On my mother’s maternal side, my grandmother had 8 siblings with families of their own, and only one survived. I haven’t counted all the losses. It is hard to take in. Watching the news today weighs heavy on me. I believe that there are no winners in war. Sorry, I got carried away with these heavy thoughts. But that is what happens when I have some alone time.

To lighter thoughts, I have not taken on any knitting or crocheting projects lately. I needed to give my hands a rest. I started to do some quilting, but training my puppy has replaced this for the time being. Looking forward to starting some new projects.

So there are plenty of ways I like to spend my time. As you can tell, all but walking and napping with Moxie, need the use of my eyes. And they are starting to fail me. I have macular degeneration and the ophthalmologist is trying to help save the sight in one eye. So far the injection has not changed anything, and my vision is quite distorted. So far the left eye is better, and the dry macular has no treatment but progresses slower. Luckily I use my left eye for my camera eye-piece, and my camera is set for autofocus. I can type ok, but reading back this post is tiring. The book I mentioned may be the last one I read in a paper version. From now on I will use my iPad.

So what do you do with your alone time? Deep contemplation, restful time floating in a pool, or getting lost in a book?

Last weekend I attended my first World Federation Conference of Child Holocaust Survivors and their Descendants.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA — Waiting at the Sacramento Airport with friends

1611_04_holocaustconference_1000698 — Flying into Burbank Airport

Eleven members of the 2 Gen group from Sacramento participated.

About 600 attendees sat down to meals at the Marriott.

The almost 600 attendees participated in many workshops, some panel discussions, dancing, and plenty of good food.

We gather for dinner with friends.

The second generation made up the largest group. There is an age difference between the survivors who were over 16 at the end of the war, and those who were under 16 years old at the end of 1945. The personal stories varied, the impact of the Holocaust differed, and the perceptions proved dissimilar.

Sarah Moskovitz is honored for her work with child survivors

We listened to the lawyer who represented the family in the real life story of Woman in Gold.

Artist Gustav Klimt

Yummy chocolate cake

Cheese cake

Healthy delicious salad

After food the tables are moved out of the way and it is time to dance. Everyone gets into the action.

On the last day after the closing ceremony we went to the Los Angeles Museum of the Holocaust. This is a small museum with a lot of information.

I connected with my cousin who I have not seen in at least 46 years. It was a very, very short visit, but at least there was at least a reconnection.

After the convention I tried to talk to my mother. She is feeling very alone right now. After 69 years together with my Dad she is alone. Recently I discovered a letter she wrote to her Uncle Lazar Kahan in Shanghai after the war. Unaware that he passed away right after the war ended the letter was given back to my mother probably by his wife, Shoshana. In the letter she described her terrible journey. Before the age of 19 my mother endured the arrest and murder by the Nazis of my grandfather, Israel Kahan, journalist and owner of Lodzer Nachrichten, moving into the Lodz Ghetto with her mother, and its liquidation in August 1944. My mother and Grandmother were transported to Auschwitz August 1944 where they were separated and my Grandmother was gassed. My mother was sent to work camps as slave labor and ended up in Bergen Belsen. The English liberated the camp in May 1945, but not before she endured death marches trying to stay one step ahead of the Allies. Liberation, a brief stay in Sweden to recuperate, and a ship brought her to New York. War is over and everyone wants to move on. No psychological help is offered, no knowledge of PTSD. The letter she writes demonstrates that very real damage has been done. Alone, feeling guilty, seeing life without hourly fears, having no support system my mother poured out her feelings in this letter. A couple of months later my Dad enters her life, and she finds a quiet understanding. And then time to start living, start a family, and participate in the American dream.