When It Rains ….

The rains came to Northern California. Much needed rain. After years of drought, and mild dry winters I am not out with my CTT group shooting. Instead I planned on using this time for editing, blogging, and organizing. Perfect way to start 2017. Thinking and organizing.

Then the other shoe dropped. One week into the new year and my mother falls into an abyss of her mind. Despite my effort to help my mother through the grief of loosing my father in September, she hasn’t accepted this concept. And after the past 3 weeks I am coming to understand that she will never remember this life changing event. Her dementia/Alzheimer disease escalated dramatically. Change is hard for most people, especially older individuals. Loss of a soul mate of 69 years is hard to overcome. Mom’s search for Dad, and her frightening screams were too much for others around her, and on a Sunday January 8th I got a call from assisted living that my Mom was in the ER for 3 hours all by herself. Imagine being strapped in a guerney and sent out. There was NO reason for her to be alone. 

The spiral continued with more changes. Medicine changes and adjustments, more trips to the ER, and more changes to her living arrangement. From assisted living to memory care is frequently the path in the larger corporate places. I went looking for a smaller, more personal approach at what they call a 6 bed Board and Care. I hope that there will be consistency. 

Still learning and trying to understand the world of dementia. Mom went back and forth three times to the ER in 2 weeks. Disappointed that my brothers did not step up. I felt exhausted. No surprise that despite the flu shot my body gave up. Went home with a pounding headache, and ended up with Trump Flu. It started on Friday as Trump took office. Symptoms included a high fever (101-102), pounding headache, chills, aches,and a cough for 4 days. Looking at any kind of screen hurt my head. My body and mind were in complete sync. Guess there is no preparing for the shit storm of life. Country be very, very afraid. Left helpless on the couch I drifted in and out for days. I couldn’t participate in any the the weekend Women’s Marches. I couldn’t be with my mother as she moves into her new place. I couldn’t even think.

So the sun came out this Tuesday morning, and my fever is gone. Legs still very wobbly. Able to get on the phone and speak with Mom. She was so sweet and said she should have come and taken care of me. Told her I needed a couple more days and I would be visiting.  I know that this disease is complicated. The Kaiser Memory Care Clinic told me that being a Holocaust survivor makes it even more so. Who knows what memories come back. 

Got busy completing arrangements to move all of Mom’s stuff out of the place she shared with my Dad. Moving day is Thursday, and tomorrow is the day to get organized. I’m running on about 50% energy, and I know I can’t go a whole day. So I will do the best I can and let the chips fall where they may.

Sleep clock all crazy so tomorrow is today. And another day starts and maybe I can try and hold back the tide.




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